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The Last Pre-Iowa Debate   by Andy Peth

1/26/2016

0 Comments

 
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MEGYN KELLY:  “I first want to welcome all our fine candidates, and Donald Trump.”
 
BUSH:  “Ha!  Did you catch that?  That was an insult! And I think it was aimed at Donald!”
 
MEGYN KELLY:  “Let’s begin the debate with a question that hasn’t been asked of late, but really gets to the heart of each candidate’s priorities:  What will you do on your first day in office?  We’ll start with Donald Trump.”
 
TRUMP:  “Thank you, Megyn.  On my first day in office, to honor Ted Cruz—”
 
CRUZ:  “Hey now—”
 
TRUMP:  “—I will have all our Armed Forces change their uniforms—”
 
CRUZ:   “—please don’t—”
 
TRUMP:  “—to those of the Canadian Mounties.”
 
CRUZ:  “Oh, come on!  I mean it, come on!  This is what’s wrong with Donald Trump!  What if I have all our soldiers reflect New York City values, huh?  Huh?  I could dress them all as 1970’s pimps!  In purple suits!”
 
RUBIO:  “Actually, those might work with my shoes.”
 
TRUMP:  “As I was saying before being rudely interrupted…you know, by the Senator who hates 911 First Responders—”
 
CRUZ:  “Stop it!”
 
TRUMP:  “—each soldier under my command—”
 
CRUZ:  “Cut it out!”
 
TRUMP:  “—will ride his own moose.”
 
KASICH:  “Really?  Can I have one?  I mean, if it’s just federal dollars anyway, I say expand it!”
 
TRUMP:  “I don’t know, John, we’re already gonna need a lot of mooses…or meese…moosi?  Hey Ted, what’s the plural of ‘moose?’”
 
CRUZ:  “It’s ‘Moose,’ you idiot!  The plural of ‘Moose’ is ‘Moose!’”
 
TRUMP:  “You said that awful quick.  So it’s a flock of moose?”
 
CRUZ:  “Not a flock!  A herd!  It’s a herd of moose!”
 
TRUMP:  “I rest my case.”
 
CRUZ:  “Gahh!”
 
BRET BAIER:    “Okay, who’s next?”
 
SANDERS:  “Stop calling me a Communist!”
 
CHRISTIE:  “Wait, what is Bernie doing here?”
 
SANDERS:  “What?”
 
CHRISTIE:  (Louder) “I said, WHAT IS BERNIE DOING HERE?”
 
SANDERS:  “I couldn’t stand the other debate anymore!  Did you know Hillary gestures with her hand every syllable?  Up and down, up and down, it’s like she’s following the bouncing ball while reading her prompter!  My head started bobbing, I got dizzy—did you notice I’ve gained weight?”
 
CHRISTIE:  “I think you’re derailing, Bernie.”
 
SANDERS:  “What?”
 
CHRISTIE:  (Louder) “I THINK YOU’RE DE—LOOK, WHY ARE YOU HERE?”
 
SANDERS:  “I’m not a Communist!”
 
CHRISTIE:  “WHY…ARE…YOU…HERE?”
 
SANDERS:  “My first day in office?”
 
CHRISTIE:  “NO, I SAID—”
 
SANDERS:  “On my first day in office, I will stop everyone from calling me a Communist!   On my second day, I will force every American to start calling his personal journal a ‘manifesto.’”
 
KASICH:  “Sounds reasonable.  As long as it’s subsidized.”
 
SANDERS:  “What?”
 
KASICH and CHRISTIE:  “WHY ARE YOU HERE?”
 
SANDERS:  “Well, she gestured every syllable, I got confused, and…there was a bathroom break, and…and…and I got lost.”
 
CARSON:  “Oh, you poor man.”
 
SANDERS:  “This wasn’t supposed to happen!  I hired the best handlers—or they were supposed to be the best!  You know, the ads look good, but ‘Visiting Angels’ are highly overrated!”
 
CARSON:  “Let me help you back to your debate.”
 
SANDERS:  “Are you a doctor?  Well, everything that’s in me stays in me, pal!  No surgery!  Unless it’s on a good deal!  Wait, maybe I have a coupon…”
 
CARSON:  (To the Moderators) “It’s okay, I’ll take him back.”
 
BRET BAIER:  “Go ahead.  You’ve already used up your time.”
 
BUSH:  “Can we get back to the debate?  I need this before Iowa’s Caucuses!  My internal polls have me running behind Trump, Cruz, Rubio, Carson, and one write-in vote for Dan Quayle!”
 
KASICH:  “Maybe Iowa’s out of reach, Jeb—”
 
BUSH:  “That’s our new campaign motto: ‘Gunning for Quayle!’”
 
KASICH:  “Yikes.”
 
TRUMP:  “Okay, if Jeb’s done—get it?—if Jeb’s done?”
 
BUSH:  “Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute!  (Long pause)  No, I don’t get it.”
 
TRUMP:  “Anyway, if Jeb’s done, I’m proud to announce I’ve been endorsed by Jesus Christ.”
 
MEGYN KELLY:  “You mean Jerry Falwell, Jr.?”
 
TRUMP:  “Well, Jesus, a sales rep for Jesus, tomato, tom-ah-to—the important thing here is that God hates Ted Cruz.”
 
CRUZ:  “That is blasphemous, Donald!  Blasphemous!  I rebuke this unholy spirit of New York values, and call upon the Almighty to smite thy homeland!”
 
TRUMP:  “Oh yeah, young voters are gonna love you.”
 
CRUZ:  “Excuse me?”
 
TRUMP:  “Seriously, your style really ‘relates.’  You ‘connect.’”
 
PAUL:  “Hey, can I say something?”
 
CHRISTIE:  “Why, because you made the top debate?  I notice the undercard was beneath you.”
 
PAUL:  “What’s your point?”
 
CHRISTIE:  “I started on the undercard and worked my way up.  You dropped.  Welcome to the free market, Mr. Liberty.”
 
PAUL:  “That was a market decision!  And hey, maybe that debate was beneath me!”
 
RUBIO:  “And me.”
 
CRUZ:  “And me.”
 
TRUMP:  “And Jesus.”
 
MEGYN KELLY:  “Okay, that’s enough! 
 
BUSH:  “Wait!  Wait!  (Long pause)  And me.”
 
MEGYN KELLY:  “I can’t take any more of this.   We’re calling the debate right now.  Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Fox News want to thank you all for your—”
 
A VOICE FROM OFFSTAGE:  “Wait!”
 
(Bernie Sanders staggers back in)
 
SANDERS:  “Some guy was following me, but I lost him.”  (Looks around)  “Did I win?”
 
 

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Escaping The Grind   by Andy Peth

1/23/2016

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I needed a break from politics.  After all, 2016 looked like a grind.
 
Another presidential campaign.  Another super-funded, demographically advantaged foe—this time in a pantsuit.  Thankfully, no one likes her—I mean, no one.  I think her husband supports Trump.
 
But I looked at the voters we had to persuade, and…yikes.  You know what I mean.  Try reciting three words after each encounter with your fellow Americans:  “And they vote.”
 
Drive in traffic, as some guy plods along in the left lane while texting furiously.  Then, cutting you off because he missed his turn, he gives you the finger.
 
“And they vote.”
 
Go to restaurants, where you must either enjoy screaming kids or be scowled at for hating all children.
 
“And they vote.”
 
 Go to college campuses, where every recorded temperature of the past decade proves Global Warming, white people are evil unless they hate white people, and all sex is rape (except when committed by Muslims in Europe…or Bill Clinton).
 
“And they vote.”
 
Morons.  We are surrounded by morons. 
 
All this weighed upon me as the New Year broke, and I decided I could either weep alone in a dark corner, or create small victories in my own life.  I needed private success.  I needed to fix something. 
 
So I decided to lose some weight. 
 
Like many Americans at this time of year, I wanted to lose 20 pounds, if only because it was easier than forcing everyone else to gain 20.  So off I went to the gym—24 Hour Fitness—seeking motivation. 
 
It was a strange world.  Surrounding me were people wearing big smiles and motivational T-Shirts:
 
    “Work hard!  Play hard!  Live hard!  IN THE EXTREME!”
 
    “Quitting is for quitters who quit too much…IN THE EXTREME!”
 
    “Yoga brings balance…IN THE EXTREME!”
 
    “I’m yelling at you with my T-Shirt…IN THE EXTREME!”
 
    “BERNIE!”
 
You know what?  It worked!  Now I was motivated!  I ran on things!  I lifted stuff!  Fist-pumping in the air with people around me, I knew I belonged.  I fist-pumped to a group walking on treadmills, and they fist-pumped back!  I fist-pumped to the janitor, and he gave me a gesture too!  I fist-pumped to this sweet old lady, and she fist-pumped with a weight in her hand!  Granted, the momentum threw her over a railing—but she gave a hearty thumbs up from where she landed!  Pretty sure that was a thumb!
 
Yeah!  I had found my place!  I belonged!
 
I decided that day to lose 10 of the 20 pounds.  I mean, why wait?  So I worked out on every machine I could find, lifting till I couldn’t move.  
 
Proudly, I went home and bragged to my wife.  “Honey, are you ready for…” (I pointed to my bicep) “…the thunder?” 
 
Cori nodded her head, and kept reading. 
 
“Call it down!”  I demanded.
 
“I’m sorry, what?”
 
“Call down the thunder!”
 
Cori looked at her book.  “But I was at a good spot.”
 
“Honey!”  I started stomping about.  “Can’t you see I’m a new man?  I mean, I’m not saying I’m better than other people—per se.  But it’s possible—just possible—my new body transcends humanity itself!  I may pose for a sculptor!”  I stomped some more.  “Honey, call down the thunder!  Now, now, now!”
 
“Oh thunder,” she yawned, “I summon thee.”
 
I flexed my bicep.
 
“Wow, Andy.  I will honor the thunder by reading this book.   Go to bed.”
 
“Do I have to?  I’m pumped!”
 
“Trust me on this, oh great one.  Go to bed.”
 
So I went to bed.  The great one…slept soundly.
 
The next morning, I awoke to more pain than I’d known my entire life.  “Something’s wrong!” I thought.  “This is not befitting a god!”  I struggled to get up, but to no avail.  I couldn’t bend!  I had no functioning joints, like…like…like a three month old gingerbread man! 
 
“You know,” said Cori, who was standing by the bed, “since I haven’t transcended humanity, I’m not qualified to judge.  But you look like a three month old gingerbread man.”
 
I couldn’t respond, as even my mouth hurt.  “One move,” I thought, “and I could collapse into dust!  Like…like when the Kelvans zapped all the water out of Enterprise crew members in Episode 22 of the original Star Trek!”  Deep within, I expressed my feelings in the voice of James T. Kirk:  “I…now…know…fear.” 
 
My eyes looked up at Cori, seeking pity.
 
“Wish I could help,” she sighed, “but I’d only get in the way.  Were you thinking about Star Trek again?”
 
Off she went.
 
The next few days were a mix of pain drugs and mounting depression.  All those people at 24 Hour Fitness had lied.  They lied!   Defeated, I returned to the gym, sporting more realistic T-Shirts:
 
    “I’m replacing all this with a fad diet.”
 
    “I’m the ‘Before’ picture.”
 
    “Yeah, but I’m less fat than I’ll be when I’m older.”
 
    “We’re all ugly.  Give up.”
 
One girl complained.  “These shirts make me sad!  Sad all over!”  She started sobbing.  “We need positive messages; things that motivate us and show us we’re special!”
 
“Special?”
 
“Well, sure!  But not complacent!  They should take us out of our comfort zone!”
 
“Special, but uncomfortable?”
 
“Yes!”
 
The next day, I wore a new shirt:
 
    “I come here to stare at pretty people.”
 
Needless to say, I had the locker room to myself.  In time, the gym manager asked me not to wear motivational T-Shirts.  I scolded him:
 
“How dare you stifle my free expression!”
 
“Excuse me?”
 
“You want me to call down the thunder?”
 
“What?”
 
“Didn’t think so!”
 
“What?”
 
Having made my point, I stormed out.
 
By then, I realized my mistake.  I was exercising for the wrong reasons.  I wasn’t running toward a healthy lifestyle.  I was running from my civic duty—from politics.  I was running from a dreary struggle with Hillary (much like Bill).  I was running from millions of morons who wouldn’t listen.  
 
It was time to stop running.  It was time to find balance.  It was time to return to that gym, but this time with political motivational T-Shirts!
 
I wore several:
 
    “Bush 2016!  Again, with more energy!”
 
    “Rubio 2016!  I will win the Latino vote!”
 
    “Trump 2016!  I will deport the Latino vote!”
 
    “BERNIE 1916!”
 
Finally, I was motivated.  Finally, I was at peace.  I told my wife she no longer had to call down the thunder (she thanked me), because “the thunder is within.”
 
Cori looked in my eyes, and said, “I have no freaking clue what that means.”
 
She then wandered down the hallway, muttering, “2016 will be such a grind…”
 

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Nikki's Apology Tour   by Andy Peth

1/13/2016

1 Comment

 
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And now, giving the Republican Response to the State of the Union address, here is South Carolina Governor, Nikki Haley (her actual comments are underlined):
 
“I’m Nikki Haley, Governor of the great state of South Carolina.”
 
“I’m speaking tonight from Columbia, our state’s capital city.  Much like America as a whole, ours is a state with a rich and complicated history, one that proves the idea that each day can be better than the last.  Or it can be worse.  Or the same.  Life’s like a box of chocolates, but one thing’s for sure:  Each day will come after the previous day on the calendar.  Yes, I think we can all learn from that.  Yes.”
 
“Today, we live in a time of threats like few others in recent memory.  During anxious times, it can be tempting to follow the siren call of the angriest voices.  We must resist that temptation.  That is why I’m speaking to you in soothing monotone, with all of my syllables equidistantly spaced, plodding in formation with the same sedating effect that has worked so well in previous State of the Union responses.  This is much more fun than hearing Trump in front of a raucous crowd, right?  Yes.  Yes it is.”
 
“While Democrats in Washington bear much responsibility for the problems facing America today, they do not bear it alone.  There is more than enough blame to go around.”
 
  • “Sure, Democrats voted 59-0 for Obamacare while Republicans voted 41-0 against it, but there is more than enough blame to go around.” 
  • “Democrats targeted Liberty groups with the IRS, but there is more than enough blame to go around.” 
  • “Democrats commit virtually all voter fraud and claim Voter ID laws are racist, but there is more than enough blame to go around.”
  • “Democrats support tax funding for late-term abortions, but there is more than enough blame to go around.”
  • “Democrats control all cities where crime and gun violence run amok, but there is more than enough blame to go around.”
  • “Democrats run a failing education system that has devastated several generations, but there is more than enough blame to go around.”
 
“We as Republicans need to own that truth.  We need to recognize our contributions to the erosion of the public trust in America’s leadership.  We need to accept that we’ve played a role in how and why our government is broken.  Our President, while apologizing for America—over and over—once nobly spoke, ‘there have been times where America has shown arrogance and been dismissive, even derisive.’”
 
“I feel his strategy strengthened America’s place in the world.  Everyone really respects us now!  We’re like, sooooo popular!  Following his lead, I think my party should apologize, pandering with self-doubt, in hopes that cowering before lawless opponents will impress Americans with our strength.  That’s why, today, I’m proposing a new, catchy, inspirational slogan for the Republican Party: 
 
(Flashing across the screen)  ‘The Republican Party:  We’re so sorry.  Please like us.’
 
This is a better, more vulnerable Republican Party.  A quiet Party.  A Party that speaks in soothing monotone.  Some people think you have to be the loudest voice in the room to make a difference.  That is just not true.  Often, the best thing we can do is just turn down the volume.  This is why the new Republican Party is committed to turning down our volume—all the way.  We are committed to being those awkward wallflowers never chosen at the school dance—but who are also never hated.”
 
“The Republican Party:  We’re so sorry.  Please like us.”
 
“As our nation spends itself into oblivion and is overrun by terrorists and illegals, we think it’s important that, along the way, everyone just learns to like each other!  We want to fluff your pillows on the flight to destruction!  Remember, each day can be better than the last.  We are the Party of happy—but not loud happy.  Those ‘loud happy’ people are out on the dance floor, engaging in all sorts of tomfoolery.  But not us.  We are the sensitive Party, because we believe sensitivity is…(she gives a thumbs up)…really cool!”
 
“The Republican Party:  We’re so sorry.  Please like us.”
 
“Huge majorities believe our nation is on the wrong path.  Fear is everywhere.  But rather than boast of a new path, we Republicans say, ‘We’re just as bad as the people who brought you here.’  After all, confidence is ugly.  Confidence foolishly brags to raucous crowds, whereas sensitivity speaks quietly to a single camera in a solitary room…like this.  That’s the Republican way.  We want to attract young voters, and what young person is drawn to confidence?”
 
“The Republican Party:  We’re so sorry.  Please like us.”
 
“Why, I’m reminded of when I was a teenage girl.  I liked boys who lacked confidence; the kind who ran when I approached, and muttered to themselves about how misunderstood they were.  There was something in their twitchy, slumped over confusion that attracted me—oh, I suppose every girl went through this.  Long were the nights I’d stay up, wishing upon my favorite star that someday I could have one of those boys for my very own.  They were so desperate.  Frightened.  Sorry for things they hadn’t done.  They were everything I hoped my political Party would become.”
 
“The Republican Party:  We’re so sorry.  Please like us.”
 
“And now today, I just want to apologize for everything!  I’m sorry for enjoying cartoons, since I know that somewhere, some cartoon is forcing otherwise peaceful Muslims to kill!  I’m sorry for sewing fabrics with thread, since that’s how the first Confederate flag was made!  I’m sorry for my Indian heritage, since ‘Ghandi’ was such a long movie!  I’m sorry!  Or as young people today might say…(she gives a thumbs up)…I’m wicked sorry!”
 
“The Republican Party:  We’re so sorry.  Please like us.”
 
“And why are we sorry?  Because ‘sorry’ sounds nice.  ‘Sorry’ sounds approachable.  ‘Sorry’ sounds so responsible, it takes responsibility for things we haven’t even done.  Soothing and calm, ‘sorry’ says, ‘Don’t worry, we’ll make everything better—without changing it.’” 
 
“Thus concludes this Republican-approved response.  Let it be known, any Party that would enter an election year with a presentation like this…must be really, really sorry.”

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Gun Control In Parentheses   by Andy Peth

1/6/2016

1 Comment

 
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President Obama’s rambling speech on guns was confusing.  For instance, after recounting the tale of Gabrielle Giffords–shot by a lunatic who studied Communist Marx and Socialist Hitler—Obama pledged to restrict all Americans, regardless of whether they studied Communist Marx and Socialist Hitler. 
 
Of course, Obama could have advised against frequenting the works of Communists and Socialists, but this would have dented his post-presidential book sales.  So instead, he proposed the same broad, all-encompassing safety we’ve achieved in airports…by patting down Grandma. 
 
Make sense?  Stay with me here.
 
Grasping Obama-speak on gun laws is much like intercepting German messages in World War II—it’s all worthless if you don’t break the code.  Thankfully, I believe I’ve done it.  And it’s so simple!  For starters, whenever possible, just insert variations of the phrase, “in Democrat-run cities.”
 
Let’s join Obama after his story of the woman who was shot by a Communist/Socialist:

“And then I think of all the Americans (in Democrat-run cities) who aren't as fortunate (in Democrat-run cities).  Every single year, more than 30,000 Americans (almost all in Democrat-run cities) have their lives cut short by guns—30,000 (almost all in Democrat-run cities).  Suicides, domestic violence, gang shootouts, accidents (all mostly in Democrat-run cities).”
 
“Hundreds of thousands of Americans (almost all in Democrat-run cities), have lost brothers and sisters (in Democrat-run cities) or buried their own children
(in Democrat-run cities)."

​Do you see how this helps?  Obama says “America,” where half the people voted for him, but he’s mostly describing Democrat-run cities, where virtually everyone voted for him!  That’s his world, and in his mind, we all live there.  We all read from Communists and Socialists!  This isn’t just a major problem for communities supporting Obama; it’s everyone’s problem!  And we all must suffer for it! 
 
After droning on some more about common occurrences in urban communities, Obama continued:  
“The United (except in Democrat-run cities) States of America is not the only country on Earth with violent or dangerous people (in Democrat-like cities); we are not inherently more prone to violence (except in Democrat-run cities).  But we are the only advanced country on Earth that sees this kind of mass violence (apology tour) erupt with this kind of frequency (in Democrat-like cities).  It doesn't happen in other advanced countries (like France).  It's not even close.”
 
“And as I've said before, somehow we've become numb to it (in Democrat-run cities), and we start thinking that this is normal (which it is, in Democrat-run cities).  And instead of thinking about how to solve the problem (pat down Grandma), this has become one of our most polarized, partisan debates (in Democrat-run news conferences).  Despite the fact that there's a general consensus (in Democrat-run polls) in America about what needs to be done (in Democrat-run cities),  and that's part of the reason why, on Thursday, I'm going to hold a townhall meeting in Virginia on gun violence (in Democrat-run cities), because my goal here is to bring good people on both sides of this issue together (like with Executive Amnesty) for an open discussion (like with Global Warming).”

​You see, once you break the code, filling in the blanks becomes child’s play—much like Obama’s proposals.  It’s this simple:  Why do we all need suffocating regulations?  Because he thinks we’re all like his supporters!  We’re all urban liberals! 
 
Continuing his speech, the code helps us find meaning everywhere:
“I am not on the ballot again (except in Democrat-run movies); I am not looking to score points.  I think we can disagree without impugning other people’s motives (‘The Cambridge police acted stupidly’) or without being disagreeable (‘If I had a son, he’d look like Trevon’). We don't need to be talking past one another (like on ‘The View’), but we do have to feel a sense of urgency about it (Climate Change).”
 
“In Dr. King's words (not the silly ones putting content of character over color of skin), the fierce urgency of now, because people (and my poll numbers) are dying.    And the constant excuses for inaction no longer do (Benghazi), no longer suffice (Red Line with Syria).   That's why we are here today (my legacy).     Not to debate the last mass shooting  (in Democrat-run cities),  but to do something (to law-abiding citizens outside Democrat-run cities)  to prevent the next one (in Democrat-run cities).”
 
“To prove that the vast majority of Americans, even if our voices aren't always the loudest  (except on Democrat-run campuses)  and most extreme  (except on Democrat-run campuses),  care enough  (Alec Baldwin shouting at his kids)  about a little boy like Daniel to come together and take common-sense steps (across the border)  to save lives  (Kate Steinle)  and protect more of our children  (the ones we didn’t abort).”

​Obama continued, stressing personal freedoms:
“Now, I want to be absolutely clear at the start (after 7 years).  I have said this over (in Democrat-run cities) and over (in Democrat-run cities) again (on CNN)—this also becomes routine (in Democrat-run cities).  There is a ritual (in Democrat-run mosques) about this whole thing that I have to do.  I believe in the Second Amendment (for Democrat-run mosques). It is there, written on the paper (in the Quran), it guarantees a right to bear arms (for men). No matter how many times people try to move (from Democrat-run cities) my words around, I taught constitutional law (on Democrat-run campuses), I know a little bit about this (UN Small Arms Treaty).”
 
“I get it. But I also believe we can find ways to reduce gun violence (except in Democrat-run cities) consistent with the Second Amendment (a living document).  I mean, think about it—we all believe in the First Amendment (a living document), the guarantee of free speech.  But we accept that you cannot yell ‘fire’ in a theater (or a Democrat-run mosque). We understand there are some constraints on our freedom in order to protect innocent people (from armed Democrats).”


So Obama discussed restrictions:

“We cherish our right to privacy (Hillary’s email), but we accept that you have to go through metal detectors (in Democrat-run schools) before being allowed to board a plane (to escape Democrat-run schools).  It's not because people like doing that (attending Democrat-run schools), but we understand that is part of the price (paid by people outside Democrat-run cities) of living (in Democrat-run cities) in a civilized society (Black Lives Matter).”
 
“And what's often ignored in this debate, is that the majority of gun owners actually agree (according to Democrat-run polls) that we can respect the Second Amendment (for Democrat-run mosques) while keeping an irresponsible (let me check my tee time), lawbreaking (sanctuary cities) feud (Netanyahu) from inflicting harm (you can keep your doctor) on a massive scale (Michael Moore).”

Okay, that’s enough.
 
From there, Obama rolled out proposals that will be sentenced to death by virtually any court.  I won’t detail them.  Suffice it to say, unless you’re running guns to cartels or scattering them on the streets of Chicago, Obama wants you tagged like a deer.  That way, he can track you in deep snow, all the way back to that mountain cabin where he knows you keep your anti-government arsenal. 
 
Should I take our president more seriously?  Please.  I reject gun violence lectures from a guy supported by nearly everyone committing gun violence.  Liberals don’t hope shootings stop; they hope shooters post Conservative Facebook rants.  That’s why liberals are frustrated; we’re not doing the shooting.  We own guns for protection, not aggression.  Or in my case, I own guns to annoy liberals.
 
From now on, insert “in Democrat-run cities” to understand Obama.  Make him make sense.  Just remember, to Obama, Democrat cities are the whole country, so inner city problems are “everyone’s problems.”  The rest of us?  We’re just bitter clingers; morons in flyover country, singing about God while tilling the fields.  Though his laws bother us far more than his city supporters (who will ignore them), Obama still imposes such laws because law-abiding citizens mean nothing to him.  Obama doesn’t care who kills whom, and he cares even less who obeys laws.  The only thing that matters to him—the only thing—is who supports him and his degenerate party.      
 And in the end, it is that morality-free mindset that truly causes problems...
 
…“in Democrat-run cities.”
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