Taking pictures of them on our walks, Cori especially likes the babies, whose ears barely stick up above the grass. Hard to blame her; they’re really cute.
Remarkably, the bunnies have come to know Cori, lining up along the sidewalk as we pass by. They hop. They pose. Many stand erect, thumping their right paws to their chest before issuing a German salute. That part’s creepy. Even more unsettling are the disapproving looks they give me, growling when I hold out my hand. I didn’t know bunnies could growl.
One time, Cori had a mosquito on her back, and when I slapped it, dozens of bunnies charged—but Cori stopped them. Holding her hands down, she repeated, “Not yet. Not yet.” Another time, I saw a man from our neighborhood who’d recently cut Cori off in traffic. In the dim evening light, I witnessed him being dragged by unknown forms into a thicket, his terrified eyes looking at me, saying simply, “Please.” I would have helped, but Cori was there and, well…marriage first.
Oh, I know what you’re thinking: “Andy, what has all this to do with politics?” Quite a lot, actually. Have you noticed that, when talking with Liberals, we constantly get dragged down bunny trails bearing little resemblance to the topic? Imagine the terrified look of a good friend who’s stuck in such a discussion, pleading with their eyes for you to intervene. And do you? Of course not; you don’t know where that Liberal’s been. But hey, you relate.
Should you get caught, your feet kicking as you’re dragged down the Left’s latest distraction from the actual point, know this: No one will help you. But in advance, let me address a couple “Bunny Trail” examples, providing some quick answers. From there, you’re on your own, pal.
Bunny Trail #1: Tax dollars for Abortion or War
Real Discussion: Discussing abortion funding, you mention how it’s unfair to use tax dollars from pro-life Americans to pay for abortions, which they consider murder. Personal choices shouldn’t be funded by others who morally disagree with those choices.
The Bunny Trail: Unable to defeat your point, the Liberal diverts with, “Well, my tax dollars pay for wars, and that violates my conscience. So…so there!”
The Answer: Wars, whether we agree with them or not, aren’t a “personal choice.” They are a collective choice, made by leaders elected by the collective, for national reasons.
For instance, I oppose many war decisions (whether pro-war or anti) made by Democrats like Lyndon Johnson, Jimmy Carter, or Barack Obama. I even oppose some war decisions (pro or anti) made by Republicans. But all these leaders were elected by the collective to represent the collective, and their decisions must be paid for by the collective—otherwise, the collective would have no protection.
Individuals choosing for or against abortion aren’t elected, and their choices are for personal—not national—interests. This choice is 180 degrees opposite of the choice for war.
Bunny Trail #2: Gay Marriage and Tax-Exempt Status for Churches
Real Discussion: You say forcing churches to perform weddings for gay couples is unfair, since it violates core beliefs. “Marriage should be a celebration, not a weapon,” you say. “Just go somewhere else.”
The Bunny Trail: Unable to defeat your point, the Liberal diverts with, “Churches are tax-exempt, and this government benefit forbids them from discriminating against anyone. So…so there!”
The Answer: Charitable organizations, including churches, don’t have tax-exempt status because they’re for all the people. These aren’t government agencies. Whether we support tax-exempt status or not, one major reason these organizations have it is because they don’t receive guaranteed payment for product provided.
For instance, if I order a Double Quarter Pounder Value Meal at MacDonald’s—supersized, because I’m a real American—they won’t give me the meal unless I pay for it. So, MacDonald’s has guaranteed payment for product provided. But if I go to a Catholic Priest, privately confessing the sin I just committed at MacDonald’s, the church receives no guaranteed payment for services provided.
Churches provide many services—sermons, aid to the poor, youth groups, etc.—for which they receive no guaranteed payment. But they have enormous costs. Any payment they do receive comes from people who support their cause—whether they use the products or not.
Want a government agency? Use a Justice of the Peace. Want a religious setting? Go somewhere that supports your lifestyle. Tax-exempt status neither pays for charities nor forces them to violate their beliefs; it simply donors for funding products toward stated causes without guaranteed return.
It’s no surprise the Left adores bunny trails, as these were popularized in that Leftist classic, “Alice in Wonderland”—a purely socialist fable. I mean that. No Capitalist Alice would follow suspicious characters down a tunnel—at least not unarmed. Oh yeah, she’d be packin’. Then, ending the story abruptly, Capitalist Alice would call in a team to sweep the tunnels of all these dope-smoking, hallucinogenic vagrants wearing ridiculous costumes. “Get a job!” she’d shout, marching them out into the cold, competitive world. “Take your performance art crap back to Europe, you worthless hobos!”
Or, Capitalist Alice would simply run a firehose in the hole, flushing out lifeless remains of any rabbits or other assorted pests. Sound harsh? Not when you consider property values. Prospective buyers want lush, hole-less lawns, free of germ-carrying furballs who might disturb evenings of barbecue, croquet, or sipping wine on the deck while laughing at all the little people. Envisioning such profit potential in her mind’s eye, 7-year-old Capitalist Alice dons an icy grin. “Good thing the rabbit led me to that hole,” she thinks. “Took months to gain his trust, but by the time I’m 10, I’ll buy my own Wonderland.”
Call me heartless if you will, but like Capitalist Alice, I’m sick of Liberal bunny trails. We point out $20 Trillion in national debt—they talk social justice. We discuss thousands of deaths from inner-city crime—they focus on a psychopath in Charleston. We say our entire society is fueled by fossil fuels—they cite CGI images of struggling polar bears.
This has gone beyond right and wrong; beyond saving our nation. This is more primal—an instinctive fear of being annoyed to death. Think of that friend cornered at a dinner party by a college prof who insists slavery—which ran unabated for thousands of years before America—would have been eliminated sooner if it weren’t for America. Think of that Facebook thread where some loon demands more gun-free zones so there will be fewer shootings in gun-free zones—and the topic was, oh I don’t know…gardening?
Distraction. Misdirection. For Liberals, each topic presents opportunities for endless dodging, draining our energies as they whine. Fixing nothing, these parasites run from everything. But we needn’t follow. Familiarizing ourselves with their bunny trails, we can be like Capitalist Alice and flush them out. Yes, we can be free.
But prepare yourself. Don’t be like that poor fellow dragged into dark thickets by my wife’s minions. Don’t be waylaid at dinner parties. For in your hour of need, you will find no help from others—certainly not from me. Like I said, I don’t know where the Liberal has been; and unlike my wife’s bunnies, that smelly unshaved professor isn’t even cute. He makes me want to go grab a hose.