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Bunny Trails   by Andy Peth

7/9/2015

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My wife likes bunnies. 

Taking pictures of them on our walks, Cori especially likes the babies, whose ears barely stick up above the grass.  Hard to blame her; they’re really cute.

Remarkably, the bunnies have come to know Cori, lining up along the sidewalk as we pass by.  They hop.  They pose.  Many stand erect, thumping their right paws to their chest before issuing a German salute.  That part’s creepy.  Even more unsettling are the disapproving looks they give me, growling when I hold out my hand.  I didn’t know bunnies could growl.

One time, Cori had a mosquito on her back, and when I slapped it, dozens of bunnies charged—but Cori stopped them.  Holding her hands down, she repeated, “Not yet.  Not yet.”  Another time, I saw a man from our neighborhood who’d recently cut Cori off in traffic.  In the dim evening light, I witnessed him being dragged by unknown forms into a thicket, his terrified eyes looking at me, saying simply, “Please.”  I would have helped, but Cori was there and, well…marriage first.

Oh, I know what you’re thinking:  “Andy, what has all this to do with politics?”  Quite a lot, actually.  Have you noticed that, when talking with Liberals, we constantly get dragged down bunny trails bearing little resemblance to the topic?  Imagine the terrified look of a good friend who’s stuck in such a discussion, pleading with their eyes for you to intervene.  And do you?  Of course not; you don’t know where that Liberal’s been.  But hey, you relate.

Should you get caught, your feet kicking as you’re dragged down the Left’s latest distraction from the actual point, know this:  No one will help you.  But in advance, let me address a couple “Bunny Trail” examples, providing some quick answers.  From there, you’re on your own, pal.

Bunny Trail #1: Tax dollars for Abortion or War

Real Discussion:  Discussing abortion funding, you mention how it’s unfair to use tax dollars from pro-life Americans to pay for abortions, which they consider murder.  Personal choices shouldn’t be funded by others who morally disagree with those choices.

The Bunny Trail:  Unable to defeat your point, the Liberal diverts with, “Well, my tax dollars pay for wars, and that violates my conscience.  So…so there!”

The Answer:  Wars, whether we agree with them or not, aren’t a “personal choice.”  They are a collective choice, made by leaders elected by the collective, for national reasons. 

For instance, I oppose many war decisions (whether pro-war or anti) made by Democrats like Lyndon Johnson, Jimmy Carter, or Barack Obama.  I even oppose some war decisions (pro or anti) made by Republicans.  But all these leaders were elected by the collective to represent the collective, and their decisions must be paid for by the collective—otherwise, the collective would have no protection.

Individuals choosing for or against abortion aren’t elected, and their choices are for personal—not national—interests.  This choice is 180 degrees opposite of the choice for war.

So there.

Bunny Trail #2:  Gay Marriage and Tax-Exempt Status for Churches

Real Discussion:  You say forcing churches to perform weddings for gay couples is unfair, since it violates core beliefs.  “Marriage should be a celebration, not a weapon,” you say.  “Just go somewhere else.” 

The Bunny Trail:  Unable to defeat your point, the Liberal diverts with, “Churches are tax-exempt, and this government benefit forbids them from discriminating against anyone.  So…so there!”

The Answer:  Charitable organizations, including churches, don’t have tax-exempt status because they’re for all the people.  These aren’t government agencies. Whether we support tax-exempt status or not, one major reason these organizations have it is because they don’t receive guaranteed payment for product provided.

For instance, if I order a Double Quarter Pounder Value Meal at MacDonald’s—supersized, because I’m a real American—they won’t give me the meal unless I pay for it.  So, MacDonald’s has guaranteed payment for product provided.  But if I go to a Catholic Priest, privately confessing the sin I just committed at MacDonald’s, the church receives no guaranteed payment for services provided.

Churches provide many services—sermons, aid to the poor, youth groups, etc.—for which they receive no guaranteed payment.  But they have enormous costs.  Any payment they do receive comes from people who support their cause—whether they use the products or not. 

Want a government agency?  Use a Justice of the Peace.  Want a religious setting?  Go somewhere that supports your lifestyle.  Tax-exempt status neither pays for charities nor forces them to violate their beliefs; it simply donors for funding products toward stated causes without guaranteed return.

So there.

Trailing Off

It’s no surprise the Left adores bunny trails, as these were popularized in that Leftist classic, “Alice in Wonderland”—a purely socialist fable.  I mean that.   No Capitalist Alice would follow suspicious characters down a tunnel—at least not unarmed.  Oh yeah, she’d be packin’.  Then, ending the story abruptly, Capitalist Alice would call in a team to sweep the tunnels of all these dope-smoking, hallucinogenic vagrants wearing ridiculous costumes.  “Get a job!” she’d shout, marching them out into the cold, competitive world.  “Take your performance art crap back to Europe, you worthless hobos!”

Or, Capitalist Alice would simply run a firehose in the hole, flushing out lifeless remains of any rabbits or other assorted pests.  Sound harsh?  Not when you consider property values.  Prospective buyers want lush, hole-less lawns, free of germ-carrying furballs who might disturb evenings of barbecue, croquet, or sipping wine on the deck while laughing at all the little people.  Envisioning such profit potential in her mind’s eye, 7-year-old Capitalist Alice dons an icy grin.  “Good thing the rabbit led me to that hole,” she thinks.  “Took months to gain his trust, but by the time I’m 10, I’ll buy my own Wonderland.”

Call me heartless if you will, but like Capitalist Alice, I’m sick of Liberal bunny trails.  We point out $20 Trillion in national debt—they talk social justice.  We discuss thousands of deaths from inner-city crime—they focus on a psychopath in Charleston.  We say our entire society is fueled by fossil fuels—they cite CGI images of struggling polar bears.

This has gone beyond right and wrong; beyond saving our nation.  This is more primal—an instinctive fear of being annoyed to death.  Think of that friend cornered at a dinner party by a college prof who insists slavery—which ran unabated for thousands of years before America—would have been eliminated sooner if it weren’t for America.  Think of that Facebook thread where some loon demands more gun-free zones so there will be fewer shootings in gun-free zones—and the topic was, oh I don’t know…gardening?

Distraction.  Misdirection.  For Liberals, each topic presents opportunities for endless dodging, draining our energies as they whine.  Fixing nothing, these parasites run from everything.  But we needn’t follow.  Familiarizing ourselves with their bunny trails, we can be like Capitalist Alice and flush them out.  Yes, we can be free.

But prepare yourself.  Don’t be like that poor fellow dragged into dark thickets by my wife’s minions.  Don’t be waylaid at dinner parties.  For in your hour of need, you will find no help from others—certainly not from me.  Like I said, I don’t know where the Liberal has been; and unlike my wife’s bunnies, that smelly unshaved professor isn’t even cute.  He makes me want to go grab a hose.

So there.


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Talking About Gay Marriage   by Andy Peth

7/5/2015

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For years, I told fellow Christians, “Gay marriage will soon be legal.”  I had no doubt.  Even when huge majorities voted it down, polling amongst young people showed last Friday’s ruling was just speeding the inevitable—sort of like springing forward at Daylight Savings Time.   

This was going to happen.

Whipping Christians

Do I mind gay people marrying?  No.  As a Christian, I see marriage as between a man and woman, but I don’t impose my beliefs as other people’s laws.  There is no Christian Jihad.  What I do mind, however, is America’s meanest winners—social liberals.  Drowning social media in vicious posts, these sleezoids run the gamut from toothy condescension to hyper-sexual mockery.  It’s been ugly.   

Worse yet are fellow Republicans who had, until now, suppressed their spite.  Witness Fox News’s Megyn Kelly.  Releasing her inner hatemonger, Kelly grilled Mike Huckabee with all the warmth one might offer a war criminal—then gushed over gay conservative Guy Benson.  Don’t get me wrong; I too appreciated Guy’s thoughtful words.  But the way Megyn fawned, I felt driven beyond mere appreciation…to prayer.  Yes, I started praying to Guy Benson.  Just like Megyn.  The results?  Thus far, inconclusive—but hey, Guy works in mysterious ways.

Nowadays, many people despise Christians.  Unlike the gentle tones required of us (lest Megyn lead torch-bearing villagers to our door), we receive taunting rage from all sectors of the rainbow.  Our emotions are frayed.  Our minds are tired.  We hurt inside.

Improving Our Message

But to be honest, some misery is self-inflicted.  Look at our messaging:

      1.   We say:  “It’s wrong to ‘redefine marriage.’”

We mean:  “Broadening marriage diminishes the sacred traditions that created it.”

They hear:  “We Christians like having something you don’t.  Makes us feel important.  We also enjoy exclusive clubs, where we mock peasants and have servants light our cigars.  Bow to us.”

   2.   We say:  “This is a slippery slope.  Next come polygamy and incest.”

We mean:  “Broaden the definition of an institution, and opponents will further weaken it.”

They hear:  We hate gay people, but since we’ve no valid reason to deny choices that don’t affect us, we’ll use ‘What’s next?’ scare tactics.  Dogs and cats living together?  Why, that’s just weeks away.”

    3.   We say:  “This is all part of a gay agenda to destroy churches.”

We mean:  “Many people—including a strong contingent in the gay community—hate Orthodox Christianity.  These people will use gay marriage as leverage to destroy churches.”

They hear:  “It’s a conspiracy, man!  I’ve stored supplies in my bomb shelter, and you’ll never put those implants in my head!  Want a Confederate bandana?  My wife left me for some college prof…whatever, man!…just makes me stronger for the mission…I’M STRONGER FOR THE MISSION!!”

     4.    We say:  “We hate the sin, but love the sinner.”

We mean:  “We love everyone, regardless if their practices run contrary to our beliefs.”

They hear:  “Sinner!”

“Redefine.”  “Slippery slope.”  “Gay agenda.”  “Sinner.”  Regardless of intent, our phrasing holds us back.

A Tale of Two Tactics

There are two tactics for discussing social issues in a multi-faith society:

  1. War of Beliefs:  “My beliefs are better than yours, and they should be everyone’s laws.”
  2. Fair Standard:  “I support every choice that doesn’t take away someone else’s choice.”

While the first tactic pits belief against belief, the second holds all beliefs to one ideal—an ideal most everyone supports.  So, “Fair Standard” is naturally popular. 

But then, “War of Beliefs” still sells sometimes, right?  Sure it does; when neither side offers “Fair Standard.”  Watching both sides demand their beliefs be made law, voters must decide which beliefs they prefer.  In time, they’ll tilt against Christian values (which are viewed as more restrictive).

But to see that tilt supercharged, watch what happens when we use “War of Beliefs” and the Left uses “Fair Standard”—as occurred over the past decade with gay marriage.  The Left said, “As long as gay marriage doesn’t take away the choice of straight marriage, it should be allowed.”  Boom!  In record time, society went from opposing gay marriage to supporting it—and this support grows each year.

Incredible.   Even our best rhetorical gymnastics (“Redefine,” “Slippery Slope,” etc.) couldn’t slow the results of fighting “Fair Standard” with “War of Beliefs.”  It’s the worst case scenario.

So, can “Fair Standard” work for Christians?  Absolutely!  In fact, it’s our natural position.  Unlike Islamic Jihadists, Christians follow a Savior who preached holiness, but never forced unbelievers to live like believers.  There is no Christian caliphate.  This is why America—though founded in Christian beliefs—is so religiously diverse.  Our heritage—our Christian heritage—allows for it. 

And now, regarding gay marriage, there’s good news:  The Left has taken “Fair Standard” as far as they can.  Gay people marry now.  From this point forward, Leftists must use “War of Beliefs,” attacking religious liberty and criminalizing religious standards.  So, they’re stuck with the bad strategy, and most delightful of all, their addiction to control will force them to use it.  They simply must attack freedom.

But What Do I Say?

Remember, if we try to take back gay marriage, this will be seen as “War of Beliefs,” and we’ll lose (plus, we’ll be going beyond Christ’s example).  So don’t take it away.  Use it.  Here’s how:

“Gay marriage?  No problem!  I support any choice that doesn’t take away other people’s choices.  I only ask that marriage be a celebration, not a weapon.

Are you arranging it with people who freely choose to participate?  Then that’s a celebration.

Are you demanding participation from people who disagree, in hopes of closing businesses and churches?  Then that’s a weapon.

Hey, do what you want, believe what you want, live your life!  But keep marriage a celebration, not a weapon, okay?  Your happiest day is for inviting people, not targeting them.”

Liberals hate this.  Desperately hoping we’ll use “War of Beliefs,” they’ll insult us, demand agreement with lifestyles—anything to get us off “Fair Standard.”  But don’t buckle.  Keep frustrating them:
“Do I agree with gay marriage?  Do you agree with Evangelical Christianity?  Must I celebrate other people’s choices when I don’t ask them to celebrate mine?  Look, I’m sure you don’t mean to demand agreement (yeah, right), but let’s let people hold opinions without getting punished.”
Boom!  We win!  But don’t let up:
“Some gay people are conservative, some are liberal.  If a wedding is a celebration, that’s conservative.  If it’s used as a weapon, that’s liberal.  It’s their choice.  There are lots of gay conservatives.”
Now liberals are really furious.  Besides insulting their brand (which I do with nearly each breath), we’re broadening the Conservative tent—welcoming everyone into the light.  Even more maddening for the Left, “Fair Standard” tactics increase our audience, inviting more people to hear our beliefs.  The Left wants people walling us out, not hearing us.  The Left wants us silenced.

Brighter Days

Suppose all Social Conservatives began using this approach tomorrow.  What would happen by, oh, say, 2016?  Wouldn’t we be the good guys?  Wouldn’t the Left be the bad guys?  Just like that, my friends, the momentum turns.  Buh-bye, Hillary!

I know we hurt inside.  Facebook celebrations at our expense hurt.  Taunting liberals hurt.  Megyn Kelly hurts.  But to turn our frowns upside down, now is the time!  Now is the time to use the Left’s lust for control!  Now is the time to smirk and frustrate liberals!  Now is the time to be really, really…naughty!

The tide is turning, if we let it.  The Left has run out of road, if we stop paving it. 

Now is the time.


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