Of course, Obama could have advised against frequenting the works of Communists and Socialists, but this would have dented his post-presidential book sales. So instead, he proposed the same broad, all-encompassing safety we’ve achieved in airports…by patting down Grandma.
Make sense? Stay with me here.
Grasping Obama-speak on gun laws is much like intercepting German messages in World War II—it’s all worthless if you don’t break the code. Thankfully, I believe I’ve done it. And it’s so simple! For starters, whenever possible, just insert variations of the phrase, “in Democrat-run cities.”
Let’s join Obama after his story of the woman who was shot by a Communist/Socialist:
“Hundreds of thousands of Americans (almost all in Democrat-run cities), have lost brothers and sisters (in Democrat-run cities) or buried their own children (in Democrat-run cities)."
Do you see how this helps? Obama says “America,” where half the people voted for him, but he’s mostly describing Democrat-run cities, where virtually everyone voted for him! That’s his world, and in his mind, we all live there. We all read from Communists and Socialists! This isn’t just a major problem for communities supporting Obama; it’s everyone’s problem! And we all must suffer for it!
After droning on some more about common occurrences in urban communities, Obama continued:
“And as I've said before, somehow we've become numb to it (in Democrat-run cities), and we start thinking that this is normal (which it is, in Democrat-run cities). And instead of thinking about how to solve the problem (pat down Grandma), this has become one of our most polarized, partisan debates (in Democrat-run news conferences). Despite the fact that there's a general consensus (in Democrat-run polls) in America about what needs to be done (in Democrat-run cities), and that's part of the reason why, on Thursday, I'm going to hold a townhall meeting in Virginia on gun violence (in Democrat-run cities), because my goal here is to bring good people on both sides of this issue together (like with Executive Amnesty) for an open discussion (like with Global Warming).”
You see, once you break the code, filling in the blanks becomes child’s play—much like Obama’s proposals. It’s this simple: Why do we all need suffocating regulations? Because he thinks we’re all like his supporters! We’re all urban liberals!
Continuing his speech, the code helps us find meaning everywhere:
“In Dr. King's words (not the silly ones putting content of character over color of skin), the fierce urgency of now, because people (and my poll numbers) are dying. And the constant excuses for inaction no longer do (Benghazi), no longer suffice (Red Line with Syria). That's why we are here today (my legacy). Not to debate the last mass shooting (in Democrat-run cities), but to do something (to law-abiding citizens outside Democrat-run cities) to prevent the next one (in Democrat-run cities).”
“To prove that the vast majority of Americans, even if our voices aren't always the loudest (except on Democrat-run campuses) and most extreme (except on Democrat-run campuses), care enough (Alec Baldwin shouting at his kids) about a little boy like Daniel to come together and take common-sense steps (across the border) to save lives (Kate Steinle) and protect more of our children (the ones we didn’t abort).”
Obama continued, stressing personal freedoms:
“I get it. But I also believe we can find ways to reduce gun violence (except in Democrat-run cities) consistent with the Second Amendment (a living document). I mean, think about it—we all believe in the First Amendment (a living document), the guarantee of free speech. But we accept that you cannot yell ‘fire’ in a theater (or a Democrat-run mosque). We understand there are some constraints on our freedom in order to protect innocent people (from armed Democrats).”
So Obama discussed restrictions:
“And what's often ignored in this debate, is that the majority of gun owners actually agree (according to Democrat-run polls) that we can respect the Second Amendment (for Democrat-run mosques) while keeping an irresponsible (let me check my tee time), lawbreaking (sanctuary cities) feud (Netanyahu) from inflicting harm (you can keep your doctor) on a massive scale (Michael Moore).”
Okay, that’s enough.
From there, Obama rolled out proposals that will be sentenced to death by virtually any court. I won’t detail them. Suffice it to say, unless you’re running guns to cartels or scattering them on the streets of Chicago, Obama wants you tagged like a deer. That way, he can track you in deep snow, all the way back to that mountain cabin where he knows you keep your anti-government arsenal.
Should I take our president more seriously? Please. I reject gun violence lectures from a guy supported by nearly everyone committing gun violence. Liberals don’t hope shootings stop; they hope shooters post Conservative Facebook rants. That’s why liberals are frustrated; we’re not doing the shooting. We own guns for protection, not aggression. Or in my case, I own guns to annoy liberals.
From now on, insert “in Democrat-run cities” to understand Obama. Make him make sense. Just remember, to Obama, Democrat cities are the whole country, so inner city problems are “everyone’s problems.” The rest of us? We’re just bitter clingers; morons in flyover country, singing about God while tilling the fields. Though his laws bother us far more than his city supporters (who will ignore them), Obama still imposes such laws because law-abiding citizens mean nothing to him. Obama doesn’t care who kills whom, and he cares even less who obeys laws. The only thing that matters to him—the only thing—is who supports him and his degenerate party.
And in the end, it is that morality-free mindset that truly causes problems...
…“in Democrat-run cities.”