Whether you like football or not, you’ll understand two things that drive me crazy—and how these apply to politics:
The first is players who do celebration dances when they only get first downs—and their team is getting killed.
“Yeah baby! I got a first down!”
“We’re losing 42-10. Come back to the huddle.”
“But I have to do my dance! I start with some pelvic thrusts…Uh! Uh! Uh!...then mock opposing players by pointing at them…You! You! You!...then fold my arms and lean back…Mmmhmm!!”
“That’s great. Come back to the huddle.”
“Actually, I was hoping you’d carry me off. Ever see ‘Rudy’?”
“It’s 42-10. We’re holding a group suicide. Here’s some punch.”
“This tastes great! Can I do my dance again?”
“Sure. You’ve earned it.”
The other thing I hate is when teams keep throwing long bombs that have no chance, rather than moving the ball down the field. It almost never works.
“Coach, can’t I hand it off just once? We could get a few yards, maybe build a drive.”
“That’s loser talk, son! It’s un-American! What if General Washington had said, ‘Let’s just get a few yards.’ Huh? Huh?! He’d have gotten run over by Commies, that’s what!”
“Commies?”
“Just like Custer!”
“Who?”
“No compromise! Throw deep!”
“We’re losing 52-0. We can’t just throw deep every—”
“Don’t you want a play that can score, son? Why bother if you’re not gonna score?”
“Look, just one handoff—”
“Whose side are you on, anyway? Maybe you’re playing for…for…”
“The other team?”
“The Commies!”
(On a side note, I wish the Washington Redskins would change their name to the Washington Commies)
Political Football
These days, two groups dominate Republican politics: The First Down Only group, and the Touchdown Only group.
For the First Down Only group—often called “The Establishment”—getting first downs is plenty. Just get Republicans elected. Those are first downs, and they’re good enough.
“We got a first down, baby!” they gloat. “We got the majority! Goooooo, Team GOP!”
“But, you haven’t won anything but seats. What about defunding Obamacare?”
“That would take a shutdown, and those aren’t popular! We could lose seats! Have you seen all the seats we’ve gained? Uh! Uh! Uh! Yeah, baby!”
“Please don’t do that…you’re like, 70 years old…”
“Do you have a microphone, so I can drop it and walk off stage?”
“No! What about defunding Obama’s Amnesty? Do you want Democrats stacking up illegal voters?”
“Those ‘illegal voters’ are real people! Inexpensive people! For inexpensive labor! It’s an act of love—for our contributors! You! You! You! Mmmhmm!!”
“Stop that! The border is wide open! The deficit is $19 Trillion! Keystone is dead! The EPA is out of control! Your hearings achieve nothing! Planned Parenthood gets federal dollars! You keep getting first downs, but you hardly ever score!”
“Uh! Uh! Uh! Sorry, what was that? I was celebrating.”
“Seriously, stop that!”
“I may have to stop—I threw out my back. Good thing I exempted myself from Obamacare. Could you carry me off?”
“Oh, if only…”
Oblivious to the scoreboard, First Down Only people drive the base to desperation. It’s infuriating. For decades, we’ve watched electoral victories lead to governing compromise and defeat, making candidates with an “R” by their name look like D’s.
Emerging from this frustration is the Touchdown Only group. “No more settling for the lesser of two evils!” they shout, demanding complete victories with each election. Every candidate and legislation must represent a score right now—or else. Otherwise, they’ll vote 3rd Party, or not at all. So, they throw deep—or worse yet, they just punt.
“Yay! We threw deep! We were principled!”
“But the scoreboard reads 52-0.”
“Doesn’t matter! It’s a principled zero! Throw deep!”
“A principled zero?”
“At least now we’re not embarrassed by our vote!”
“You’re not?”
“Team Republican was doing nothing to stop Team Democrat!”
“But if you don’t vote for the most numerically viable option to Team Democrat, aren’t you doing nothing to stop them?”
“Yay! Throw deep! What’s your point?”
“What’s my point? You’re doing nothing, then complaining when others do nothing! You’re wasting time with 80-yard throws!”
“No we aren’t, ‘cuz we’re not voting anymore! Voting is compromise! Voting is participation in a corrupt, two-party system! We’re gonna punt!”
“On second down?”
“Power to the people!”
“You’re punting on second down?”
“You bet! This will fake out those Democrats! They won’t know what hit ‘em!”
“But, but—”
“What are you, a RINO? A mushy moderate? A Commie???”
(On a side note, I wish the Washington Redskins would change their name to the Washington Commies)
Winning Again
There’s a better way, you know. Rather being complacent or desperate, we can be strategic—with “First Downs to Touchdowns.”
It’s simple. Get a first down, moving the line of scrimmage. Then get another. And another. The key is, don’t stop until you score.
So let’s say your district or state is moderate. Maybe even liberal. To move the ball, you put forth candidates and initiatives offering elements of Conservatism that can succeed in that setting--but don’t stop there. Immediately after getting your first down, go to work persuading more people of Conservative values, creating a setting where more Conservatism can win. The next election, you move the ball further, with better candidates and initiatives. Then, after getting another first down, you go back to work persuading voters.
Thus, there’s no settling for first downs, and no throwing long bombs that anger the electorate. Unlike “First Down Only” and “Touchdown Only,” this strategy works in the real world.
First Downs to Touchdowns. What a concept.
Branding and Blaming
But there’s a problem: Members of the other two groups will brand you as being their opposites. So, First Down Only people take your constant push for greater Conservatism as being Touchdown Only, while Touchdown Only people lump you in with the First Down Only crowd.
This is especially true with Touchdown Only people, since their group formed after seeing first downs amount to nothing. When you come along preaching “First Downs to Touchdowns,” they hear “First Downs to Nowhere.” This makes you their enemy, and getting them to listen is nearly impossible.
“But, but,” you insist, “I want to help you! Your strategy hurts your cause!”
“Doesn’t matter!” they shout. “We’ve got principles!”
“But principles have no vehicle without winning! Don’t you see that?”
Quietly, after staring you down, they say, “You’re one of themmmmm, aren’t you…”
This is frustrating, but the Touchdown Only crowd is not the biggest villain. Do you know who I blame? It’s the First Down Only crowd.
They started all this! They convinced people of a ludicrous idea: That first downs don’t matter. That electing Republicans over Democrats doesn’t matter. That there’s no such thing as moving the ball, no advantage to stopping “greater evils,” and no benefit to restoring society at a pace it can accept. This First Down Only crowd, with their idiotic celebrations and empty promises, induced millions of Conservatives to throw deep or punt on 2nd down!
Standing Up for Reality
Believe it or not, while the two extreme groups dominate GOP discussions, most of us live in the real world—“First Downs to Touchdowns.” Most of us want something that works.
It’s time we stood up, people. It’s time we told all Conservatives to stop claiming victory when the scoreboard says otherwise. If your election wins don’t bring governing scores, then you’re losing. If you step aside while Democrats overrun you, then you’re losing. There’s no “Uh! Uh! Uh!” There’s no “Yay! We’re Principled!” There’s only defeat, and no one’s handing you a microphone to drop.
But if we combine the patience of First Downs with the vision of Touchdowns, we can learn from each other…and start winning again. Really winning. With our combined forces, the Democrats won’t stand a chance, and America will begin that steady climb back—back to being the greatest nation on earth.
Then we can dance. Mmmhmm!!
The first is players who do celebration dances when they only get first downs—and their team is getting killed.
“Yeah baby! I got a first down!”
“We’re losing 42-10. Come back to the huddle.”
“But I have to do my dance! I start with some pelvic thrusts…Uh! Uh! Uh!...then mock opposing players by pointing at them…You! You! You!...then fold my arms and lean back…Mmmhmm!!”
“That’s great. Come back to the huddle.”
“Actually, I was hoping you’d carry me off. Ever see ‘Rudy’?”
“It’s 42-10. We’re holding a group suicide. Here’s some punch.”
“This tastes great! Can I do my dance again?”
“Sure. You’ve earned it.”
The other thing I hate is when teams keep throwing long bombs that have no chance, rather than moving the ball down the field. It almost never works.
“Coach, can’t I hand it off just once? We could get a few yards, maybe build a drive.”
“That’s loser talk, son! It’s un-American! What if General Washington had said, ‘Let’s just get a few yards.’ Huh? Huh?! He’d have gotten run over by Commies, that’s what!”
“Commies?”
“Just like Custer!”
“Who?”
“No compromise! Throw deep!”
“We’re losing 52-0. We can’t just throw deep every—”
“Don’t you want a play that can score, son? Why bother if you’re not gonna score?”
“Look, just one handoff—”
“Whose side are you on, anyway? Maybe you’re playing for…for…”
“The other team?”
“The Commies!”
(On a side note, I wish the Washington Redskins would change their name to the Washington Commies)
Political Football
These days, two groups dominate Republican politics: The First Down Only group, and the Touchdown Only group.
For the First Down Only group—often called “The Establishment”—getting first downs is plenty. Just get Republicans elected. Those are first downs, and they’re good enough.
“We got a first down, baby!” they gloat. “We got the majority! Goooooo, Team GOP!”
“But, you haven’t won anything but seats. What about defunding Obamacare?”
“That would take a shutdown, and those aren’t popular! We could lose seats! Have you seen all the seats we’ve gained? Uh! Uh! Uh! Yeah, baby!”
“Please don’t do that…you’re like, 70 years old…”
“Do you have a microphone, so I can drop it and walk off stage?”
“No! What about defunding Obama’s Amnesty? Do you want Democrats stacking up illegal voters?”
“Those ‘illegal voters’ are real people! Inexpensive people! For inexpensive labor! It’s an act of love—for our contributors! You! You! You! Mmmhmm!!”
“Stop that! The border is wide open! The deficit is $19 Trillion! Keystone is dead! The EPA is out of control! Your hearings achieve nothing! Planned Parenthood gets federal dollars! You keep getting first downs, but you hardly ever score!”
“Uh! Uh! Uh! Sorry, what was that? I was celebrating.”
“Seriously, stop that!”
“I may have to stop—I threw out my back. Good thing I exempted myself from Obamacare. Could you carry me off?”
“Oh, if only…”
Oblivious to the scoreboard, First Down Only people drive the base to desperation. It’s infuriating. For decades, we’ve watched electoral victories lead to governing compromise and defeat, making candidates with an “R” by their name look like D’s.
Emerging from this frustration is the Touchdown Only group. “No more settling for the lesser of two evils!” they shout, demanding complete victories with each election. Every candidate and legislation must represent a score right now—or else. Otherwise, they’ll vote 3rd Party, or not at all. So, they throw deep—or worse yet, they just punt.
“Yay! We threw deep! We were principled!”
“But the scoreboard reads 52-0.”
“Doesn’t matter! It’s a principled zero! Throw deep!”
“A principled zero?”
“At least now we’re not embarrassed by our vote!”
“You’re not?”
“Team Republican was doing nothing to stop Team Democrat!”
“But if you don’t vote for the most numerically viable option to Team Democrat, aren’t you doing nothing to stop them?”
“Yay! Throw deep! What’s your point?”
“What’s my point? You’re doing nothing, then complaining when others do nothing! You’re wasting time with 80-yard throws!”
“No we aren’t, ‘cuz we’re not voting anymore! Voting is compromise! Voting is participation in a corrupt, two-party system! We’re gonna punt!”
“On second down?”
“Power to the people!”
“You’re punting on second down?”
“You bet! This will fake out those Democrats! They won’t know what hit ‘em!”
“But, but—”
“What are you, a RINO? A mushy moderate? A Commie???”
(On a side note, I wish the Washington Redskins would change their name to the Washington Commies)
Winning Again
There’s a better way, you know. Rather being complacent or desperate, we can be strategic—with “First Downs to Touchdowns.”
It’s simple. Get a first down, moving the line of scrimmage. Then get another. And another. The key is, don’t stop until you score.
So let’s say your district or state is moderate. Maybe even liberal. To move the ball, you put forth candidates and initiatives offering elements of Conservatism that can succeed in that setting--but don’t stop there. Immediately after getting your first down, go to work persuading more people of Conservative values, creating a setting where more Conservatism can win. The next election, you move the ball further, with better candidates and initiatives. Then, after getting another first down, you go back to work persuading voters.
Thus, there’s no settling for first downs, and no throwing long bombs that anger the electorate. Unlike “First Down Only” and “Touchdown Only,” this strategy works in the real world.
First Downs to Touchdowns. What a concept.
Branding and Blaming
But there’s a problem: Members of the other two groups will brand you as being their opposites. So, First Down Only people take your constant push for greater Conservatism as being Touchdown Only, while Touchdown Only people lump you in with the First Down Only crowd.
This is especially true with Touchdown Only people, since their group formed after seeing first downs amount to nothing. When you come along preaching “First Downs to Touchdowns,” they hear “First Downs to Nowhere.” This makes you their enemy, and getting them to listen is nearly impossible.
“But, but,” you insist, “I want to help you! Your strategy hurts your cause!”
“Doesn’t matter!” they shout. “We’ve got principles!”
“But principles have no vehicle without winning! Don’t you see that?”
Quietly, after staring you down, they say, “You’re one of themmmmm, aren’t you…”
This is frustrating, but the Touchdown Only crowd is not the biggest villain. Do you know who I blame? It’s the First Down Only crowd.
They started all this! They convinced people of a ludicrous idea: That first downs don’t matter. That electing Republicans over Democrats doesn’t matter. That there’s no such thing as moving the ball, no advantage to stopping “greater evils,” and no benefit to restoring society at a pace it can accept. This First Down Only crowd, with their idiotic celebrations and empty promises, induced millions of Conservatives to throw deep or punt on 2nd down!
Standing Up for Reality
Believe it or not, while the two extreme groups dominate GOP discussions, most of us live in the real world—“First Downs to Touchdowns.” Most of us want something that works.
It’s time we stood up, people. It’s time we told all Conservatives to stop claiming victory when the scoreboard says otherwise. If your election wins don’t bring governing scores, then you’re losing. If you step aside while Democrats overrun you, then you’re losing. There’s no “Uh! Uh! Uh!” There’s no “Yay! We’re Principled!” There’s only defeat, and no one’s handing you a microphone to drop.
But if we combine the patience of First Downs with the vision of Touchdowns, we can learn from each other…and start winning again. Really winning. With our combined forces, the Democrats won’t stand a chance, and America will begin that steady climb back—back to being the greatest nation on earth.
Then we can dance. Mmmhmm!!
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