In the latest Rasmussen Poll, 40% of Americans believe Brian Williams should resign—which proves my long-held theory that 60% of Americans are related to Brian Williams. Somehow, some way, he must be our Adam.
To get Mr. Williams’ side in the ongoing saga, we at The Party Of Choice caught up with him for an exclusive interview:
“Brian, thanks for meeting with us. Now, there’s been some question about the accuracy of your account regarding the helicopter in Iraq…”
“Yeah, when our chopper was hit, I barely survived.”
“Mr. Williams, your chopper wasn’t hit.”
“Of course not. Must have hit the one in front of us.”
“No one near you was hit.”
“Not after I grabbed the controls…it was the only way to save our necks…reminded me of the time I saved that puppy from the burning building…while taking fire…back in ‘Nam...”
“Actually, you’re too young for—”
“—I meant Katrina…the puppy was on a rooftop…I swam to it, braving terrible currents, after saving all those poor people Bush neglected…there were so many…I held several in each arm, kicking only with my legs…”
“Only with your legs?”
“Until one leg was broken, so I just kicked with the other…”
“You swam, carrying them, while kicking with one leg?”
“Just for a couple miles…it looked awkward…flop, flop, flop…but lives were at stake…and I saved that puppy…”
“During Katrina?”
“The flood, man, the flood!…which I named…before it took out much of the South…and Atlantis…the puppy’s name was…was…‘Chopper’…I…I…I saved that puppy…”
“You’re losing me, sir.”
“When I looked down the barrel of that RPG, I thought I was a goner...almost dropped Chopper…but the slaves were counting on us…”
“The who?”
“…and that’s how we became a nation.”
“Brian, I don’t remember choppers and a flood at the beginning of—”
“—Y’know, it’s like the president said…”
“Washington? Lincoln?”
“Obama! After inheriting that terrible depression—”
“—recession—”
“—that terrible recession, from Carter—”
“—Bush—”
“Which one?”
“ W.”
“Yeah, that’s the one. Now that he's cleaned up Bush’s mess, Obama can finally focus on stopping the…the…”
“The terrorists?”
“The Crusades.”
“Ummmm…”
“Reckon’ he’ll want me to lead the charge. How could I refuse? Ask not what your country can do for you, but ask what you can do—”
“—for your country?”
“For Obama! Have you even been listenin’ boy?”
“To be honest, I’m still picturing the kicking.”
“I’ll charge right at ‘em, no matter how many of their barrels I gotta look down…”
“You’re charging the Christians?”
“What? What’s the matter with you, boy?”
“But you said—”
“—What do you think this is, the Crusades?”
“But you said—”
“The Crusades were millions of years ago, before the time of man!”
“Then who are you charging?”
“Our enemy! The one that’s been hittin’ us out of nowhere! You know! The Sioux!”
“I’m…just…not following here…”
(Brian’s holding something invisible while petting it) “He can’t follow where we’re going, can he, Chopper? Can he, boy? No he can’t! No he can’t! Good boy!”
“Well, I’d better be going…”
“At ease, son. No need to salute.”
“Ummm…I wasn’t…alright. I won’t.”
Thus ends the first Party Of Choice interview. There will not be another. Oh, and I’m with the 40%; Brian Williams won’t be back with NBC.
To get Mr. Williams’ side in the ongoing saga, we at The Party Of Choice caught up with him for an exclusive interview:
“Brian, thanks for meeting with us. Now, there’s been some question about the accuracy of your account regarding the helicopter in Iraq…”
“Yeah, when our chopper was hit, I barely survived.”
“Mr. Williams, your chopper wasn’t hit.”
“Of course not. Must have hit the one in front of us.”
“No one near you was hit.”
“Not after I grabbed the controls…it was the only way to save our necks…reminded me of the time I saved that puppy from the burning building…while taking fire…back in ‘Nam...”
“Actually, you’re too young for—”
“—I meant Katrina…the puppy was on a rooftop…I swam to it, braving terrible currents, after saving all those poor people Bush neglected…there were so many…I held several in each arm, kicking only with my legs…”
“Only with your legs?”
“Until one leg was broken, so I just kicked with the other…”
“You swam, carrying them, while kicking with one leg?”
“Just for a couple miles…it looked awkward…flop, flop, flop…but lives were at stake…and I saved that puppy…”
“During Katrina?”
“The flood, man, the flood!…which I named…before it took out much of the South…and Atlantis…the puppy’s name was…was…‘Chopper’…I…I…I saved that puppy…”
“You’re losing me, sir.”
“When I looked down the barrel of that RPG, I thought I was a goner...almost dropped Chopper…but the slaves were counting on us…”
“The who?”
“…and that’s how we became a nation.”
“Brian, I don’t remember choppers and a flood at the beginning of—”
“—Y’know, it’s like the president said…”
“Washington? Lincoln?”
“Obama! After inheriting that terrible depression—”
“—recession—”
“—that terrible recession, from Carter—”
“—Bush—”
“Which one?”
“ W.”
“Yeah, that’s the one. Now that he's cleaned up Bush’s mess, Obama can finally focus on stopping the…the…”
“The terrorists?”
“The Crusades.”
“Ummmm…”
“Reckon’ he’ll want me to lead the charge. How could I refuse? Ask not what your country can do for you, but ask what you can do—”
“—for your country?”
“For Obama! Have you even been listenin’ boy?”
“To be honest, I’m still picturing the kicking.”
“I’ll charge right at ‘em, no matter how many of their barrels I gotta look down…”
“You’re charging the Christians?”
“What? What’s the matter with you, boy?”
“But you said—”
“—What do you think this is, the Crusades?”
“But you said—”
“The Crusades were millions of years ago, before the time of man!”
“Then who are you charging?”
“Our enemy! The one that’s been hittin’ us out of nowhere! You know! The Sioux!”
“I’m…just…not following here…”
(Brian’s holding something invisible while petting it) “He can’t follow where we’re going, can he, Chopper? Can he, boy? No he can’t! No he can’t! Good boy!”
“Well, I’d better be going…”
“At ease, son. No need to salute.”
“Ummm…I wasn’t…alright. I won’t.”
Thus ends the first Party Of Choice interview. There will not be another. Oh, and I’m with the 40%; Brian Williams won’t be back with NBC.
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