CHOICE Movie Reviews: Exodus - Gods and Kings

First, my score guide:

Quality:  This score indicates entertainment value.  
0 stars is horrible, while 5 stars is spectacular 

Political:  This score addresses political messaging. 0 stars is aggressively anti-Conservative, while 5 stars is highly pro-Conservative.  3 stars is apolitical.

Moral/Religious (M/R):  This score addresses moral and religious messaging.  
0 stars is either intensely immoral or all-out, needless assault on Christianity.  5 stars is either great moral messaging or highly pro-Christian.  3 stars is inoffensive either way.

---

EXODUS  -  Gods and Kings
Quality – 2 stars, Political – 3 stars, M/R – 0 stars

To begin, I must question releasing this desert classic at Christmastime, for it evokes images of Santa whipping his elves as they build pyramids for him at the North Pole.  That film is probably in production, depicting one brave elf rising up against his rotund oppressor—all in stunning, sweeping Claymation.  It will be released in July.

But I digress.

Directed by Ridley Scott, “Exodus: Gods and Kings” starts strong, developing a charismatic version of Moses (capably played by Christian Bale), along with his troubled, Pharaoh-to-be brother, Ramses (Joel Edgerton).  There’s battle action, political intrigue, jealousy, spectacular sets, and basically all the elements of a great epic.   For the first third, this is good fun.


Unfortunately, Scott then launches a needless assault on the biblical narrative—which might be okay if it doesn’t hamper the movie’s pacing and interest.  But it does.  A lot.  Imagine reading a story to your child, but every time something magical occurs, you set out to debunk it:


“And when she ate the apple, she fell into a deeeep sleep, as poor health standards in that kingdom resulted in bacteria and toxins that could induce coma.  Later, before the prince kisses her, he injects her with medicine.  This would be far too painful with the large syringes available in that province, but thankfully, she’s fully sedated by her illness.  Look here!  Mommy has drawn a picture of the syringe in the margins!  Makes you want to clean your hands before and after dinner, doesn’t it?  Of course it does.  Now where was I…”


Memo to Ridley Scott:  Tortured rationalizations aren’t just insulting; they’re boring.  Like a mother crafting nightmares for her child, Scott endlessly bogs “Exodus” down with anti-biblical insertions.  These are too numerous to detail, so I’ll note just a few:

•   Moses only “sees” God—who is portrayed as a petulant child—due to being struck in the head by
    stones in a rockslide.  For the remainder of the movie, God is more Moses’s hallucination than
    the Hebrews’ inspiration, as Moses himself dons increasingly maddened expressions.  Edited
    from the film was my favorite scene, in which Israel’s new leader rallies his nation with a
    Braveheart-like speech:  “They may take our women and our children, but they’ll never take our
    freedom…to enjoy great savings!  Come buy a used chariot from Crrrrrazy Moses!  These deals
    are INSANE!  Did I mention I saw God?  He’s a brat, but I obey him because my head hurts! 
    Follow me!”

    To honor the movie, I’ve drawn a straightjacket in the margins of my Bible.


•   Most of the plagues are explained down as natural phenomena bringing each other about
    (beginning when alligators on a killing spree turn the Nile red with blood).  Did God cause
    them? Who knows?  Ask Crazy Moses!  Surprisingly, Scott goes biblical with the final plague
    (death of firstborns), only to lecture us on how mean God was for doing that.   But then, God
    was just a petty hallucination on a power trip, and…well…it’s in the margins.


•   Perhaps worst of all is “parting” the Red Sea, which combines a “low tide” for crossing on foot
    with an impressive storm bringing a tidal wave (from just one side, of course).  So, did God
    produce this cool-looking storm with miraculous power?  Then why wouldn’t He just
    miraculously do what is written in the Bible—which is way more fun?


    Nightmares, Mr. Scott.  You’re giving us nightmares.


•   Scott even has Moses chisel out the 10 Commandments, rather than God doing it.  Whatever. 
    By this point I was well beyond caring, like a child acting sleepy so Mommy would stop reading.


Again, if all this makes the movie more fun, so be it.  Entertain us.  But in “Exodus: Gods and Kings,” God and His miracles become annoying—which often occurs when Hollywood replaces entertainment with agenda.  Belabored retellings tend to plod along, where simply using the Bible narrative speeds things up.


Hilariously, the biggest complaint from most media observers is Scott’s usage of white actors to portray Jews and Egyptians.  No, seriously, that’s their issue.  I for one wasn’t offended, though I thought I heard a little boy in the audience asking his father why the Norwegians enslaved the Swedes.  “Well,” replied his patient father, searching for words, “someone had to do it.”


Alas, no one had to make this film.  The only purpose in doing so was to invalidate or diminish the source material—in this case, The Bible.  Why do that?  Who makes a movie out of a book they don’t like?


Ultimately, while attempting to portray God as petty and vindictive, “Exodus: Gods and Kings” reveals these features in someone else:  Its director.