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CHOICE Movie Reviews:  Cinderella   by Andy Peth

3/13/2015

2 Comments

 
Picture
First, my score guide:

Quality:  This score indicates entertainment value.  
0 stars is horrible, while 5 stars is spectacular.

Political:  This score addresses political messaging.  
0 stars is aggressively anti-Conservative, while 5 stars is highly pro-Conservative.  3 stars is apolitical.

Moral/Religious (M/R):  This score addresses moral and religious messaging.  
0 stars is either intensely immoral or all-out, needless assault on Christianity.  5 stars is either great moral messaging or highly pro-Christian.  3 stars is inoffensive either way.

Cinderella
Quality – 4 stars, Political – 4 stars, M/R – 4.5 stars
Ready for a happy ending?

Disney, a studio known for launching more tramps than ladies—more political correction than inspiration—has done the unthinkable:  They’ve embraced simple innocence—an innocence rarely seen in modern America.  After all, we today obsess over “our rights.”  We numb ourselves with music, drink, drugs and thrills.  We complain about politicians not catering enough to our demographics—whatever those are.  In living for more, more, more, we’ve practically stopped living at all, but this remake of “Cinderella” might just guide us home.

And it’s from Disney.  Go figure.

At the center of all this goodness is “Ella” (splendidly cast with Lily James).  Ella loves her parents.  She learns her lessons.  Respecting good elders and forgiving bad ones, Ella is a perfect example of kindness and humility.  Forget modern teen characters.  Ella wouldn’t think of mocking and lecturing adults, but instead uses good deeds to remind them of forgotten values.  

Still, I must admit, her committed service to a wicked stepmother and sisters is tough to swallow.  Ella’s prettier than them, smarter, more eloquent, more everything—but she embraces slavery to honor her parents’ memory.  Wow.  Though it’s fun knowing how this angers feminists, I wonder if I could handle being with such a…well…pushover.  Imagine taking Ella out to dinner:

“This is a most wondrous place!”

“Our table’s ready.  You can stop sweeping the lobby now...and singing…”

“No singing?  But I must celebrate the joy of you finding my slipper—”

“—Yeah, about that—“

“—when I dropped it at the ball!”

“Walmart.  It was a Walmart.”

“Then, my dancing?”

“Probably not appropriate.  The guys in Electronics seemed excited, though.”

“As was I!  Excited when a gallant prince found my slipper!”

“Well, I picked it up.  Thing was made of glass.  I thought it was a vase. (Ella looks downcast)  But hey, glass is good!  I’m thinking of getting shoes made of…of…marble…  (waitress arrives at table)  Are you ready to order?”

“Oh, I never GIVE orders!”

“Ummm…yeah.  What would you like?”

“Let’s see…hmmm…I believe I will have ‘15% gratuity added for parties of 10 or more.’”

“Thennnnnn…I’ll take the Seafood Extravaganza…for two.”

(Ella turns to the waitress)  “Be warned, good maiden, Master enjoys his food hot and plentiful!”

“Don’t call me that.  Not here, anyway.”

Okay, okay, I’m exaggerating a bit, but I was getting so used to seeing Disney teens in their natural state—like blaming parents during rehab, or carrying signs while screaming at protest marches.  After decades of Britney’s and Miley’s, Ella’s goodness is downright unsettling.

Sweeping Ella off her feet is the handsome Prince Kit (Richard Madden).  Kit is every woman’s dream; strong, smart, caring, yet humble.  More than that, Kit loves and admires his father, whose health is failing, and he’s torn between honor to the throne and love for a commoner.  Watching a young man with everything be principled as well, I wished some boys could see this story (none ever will).  This Prince Charming is a far cry from the spoiled stars who are worshiped by today’s generations.

But surrounding every silver lining must be a cloud, so thank goodness for Cate Blanchett (probably my favorite actress), who shines once more as the cold, calculating stepmother.  The wicked stepsisters are good as well, but Blanchett dominates.  She’s just such a presence.  Strutting about in fiendish delight, Blanchett adds crucial spice to a story dripping in saccharine; a cruel delay for any happily ever afters.  

Nearly as good is Helena Bonham Carter as Ella’s fairy godmother.  She’s daffy.  She’s ditzy.  Armed with a sparkling wand, she provides quite the light show, changing mice and a pumpkin into horses and a carriage.  These visuals are amazing, but nothing dazzles like the transformation of Ella’s dress, which culminates in her spinning and spinning about.  Little girls throughout the audience almost gasped with glee, and I couldn’t blame them.  I mean, I’ve seen this done with magic dresses in countless movies, but nothing to match this.  Truly spectacular stuff.  

On many levels, this film is a sight to behold, from sweeping countrysides to majestic bluffs to gorgeous castles—so naturally, the magic must be first rate.  And it is.  But in the end, thanks to a modest heroine named Cinderella, this film’s greatest magic is neither special effects nor idealistic romance, but the purity of a life lived for others.

And that magic, my friends, can happen every day.  

Bippity…

…boppity…

…boo.  
J
2 Comments

CHOICE Movie Reviews:  Chappie   by Andy Peth

3/6/2015

1 Comment

 
Picture
First, my score guide:

Quality:  This score indicates entertainment value.  
0 stars is horrible, while 5 stars is spectacular.

Political:  This score addresses political messaging.  
0 stars is aggressively anti-Conservative, while 5 stars is highly pro-Conservative.  3 stars is apolitical.

Moral/Religious (M/R):  This score addresses moral and religious messaging.  
0 stars is either intensely immoral or all-out, needless assault on Christianity.  5 stars is either great moral messaging or highly pro-Christian.  3 stars is inoffensive either way.

Chappie
Quality – 2.5 stars, Political – 2 stars, M/R – 1 stars
Want to put the “science” back in “conscience?”  Then “Chappie,” a Robocop-styled film set in South Africa, is for you.

Overrun by crime, a mildly futuristic Johannesburg turns to robot cops—built by programmer/creator, Deon (played by Dev Patel).  Things are going great at first, with crime way down, but Deon has higher ambitions—he wants to create artificial intelligence.  Actually designing consciousness to be placed in a robot, Deon must work around his profit-driven boss (Sigourney Weaver in a throwaway role), who has no interest in such frivolities.  So, Deon must steal one of his own damaged units.

Alas, on his way home, Deon is taken captive by street thugs demanding he show them how to turn off the cursed robot cops.  One thing leads to another.  They find the damaged bot in Deon’s van, Deon assembles it, downloads its “consciousness,” and Chappie is born.

Chappie is a robot with the mind of an infant; at one moment inquisitive, the next, terrified. Predictably, when the humans are sleeping, he begins to explore.  Hijinks ensue, as Chappie does a low-key impersonation of Star Wars’ blundering misfit, Jar Jar Binks (often confused with Joe Joe Biden).  He knocks stuff over.  He spills milk.  He destroys a long-awaited trilogy (or was that Joe Joe?).  It’s like watching a cute animal show where the baby bear falls down a hill, bounces into Daddy Bear who was trying to maul some campers, and knocks Daddy into a campfire.  Chuckling, the narrator says, “Whoa!  Someone put Dad out!  What will this little scamp get into next?”

Thanks to Deon and sensitive female thug Yolandi (Played by rapper Yolandi, who is a real find, by the way), Chappie is a peace-loving robot—imagine Avengers nemesis Ultron in a tie dye shirt.  He even calls Yolandi his “Mommy.”  But Chappie is also being raised by a wicked Daddy, Ninja (played in over-the-top, Mad Max ruffian style by rapper Ninja).   

At first, Chappie displays his “Animal Planet” cuteness, but to toughen him up for committing crimes, Ninja teaches Chappie to don a Gangsta Hip Hop persona.  This is fun at first, with the nose-brushing mannerisms and awkward profanity, but it becomes tiring.  Remember “Data” from Star Trek fame?  Data’s forays into human character stayed amusing because he’d always revert to his charming android innocence.  Chappie, however, is Gangsta forever.  It just doesn’t work.  

Meanwhile, there is a growing threat from Vincent (Hugh Jackman), a struggling robot designer driven mad with envy at Deon’s success (and of course, Vincent is a Christian).  Vincent puts a gun to Deon’s head at the office—literally—then invites people to church.  Later, when learning of Deon’s creation, Vincent determines to hunt down and cut up the unholy thing.  This was gut-wrenching by design, sort of like putting down Ol’ Yeller—piece by piece.  It also seemed forced. Honestly, I like Hugh Jackman, but when portraying types of people they despise, good actors often unleash their inner activists and go overboard.  I half expected Hugh to start yelling, “I smite thee, sinner!”

The film’s message lacks subtlety.  Basically, our consciousness is just an equation in our heads; easily reduced to a memory chip.  Accept that, and we’ll stop hurting each other.  Conversely, belief in God drives many people to evil, corrupting them toward irrational, destructive deeds. 

Get it?  Science gooooood.  God baaaaaad.  Ironically, the movie sermonizes louder than a fire and brimstone preacher.  After two hours of this, I anticipate nightmares of Chappie chasing after me, relentless as The Terminator, calling out, “Christian people are bad!  I am Chappie.”

“No!  Please stop preaching to me!”

“I am alive.  I am aware—”

“No!  Not awareness!  Don’t raise my awareness!”

“Why do Christians love war?  I am Chappie.  Why are profits evil?  I am Chappie.”

“Someone stop the voice!  Someone stop Metallic Bill Nye!!”
 
“You have been infected with a Jesus virus.  Click here to download protection and remove religious malware.  I am Chappie.”

“Stop!  I promise to hate people!  I’ll mock Christians with Bill Maher!  Just PLEASE STOP TALKING!”

“To wake up, you must say one word to Chappie.”

“Anything!”

“Sequel.”

“Nnnnnnooooooooooo!!!!!!!”

Despite terrific CGI (Chappie looks strikingly real), this is a depressing movie.  People do exaggerated, horrible things.  Consciousness is downloadable.  There is nothing special about humanity, except when mankind cleanses its religious inclinations and embraces the purity of base programming.  The action is somewhat entertaining, but only those resenting religion and profits could take good feelings from such a tedious lecture.

At one point, Chappie—whose battery is failing—presses the religious question to his maker, “Why did you make me so I could die?” 

My answer would be, “Well Chappie, we received a lot of requests…”

1 Comment

    CHOICE Movie Reviews

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