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CHOICE Movie Reviews:  Project Almanac   By Andy Peth

1/30/2015

1 Comment

 
Picture
First, my score guide:

Quality:  This score indicates entertainment value.  
0 stars is horrible, while 5 stars is spectacular.

Political:  This score addresses political messaging.  
0 stars is aggressively anti-Conservative, while 5 stars is highly pro-Conservative.  3 stars is apolitical.

Moral/Religious (M/R):  This score addresses moral and religious messaging.  
0 stars is either intensely immoral or all-out, needless assault on Christianity.  5 stars is either great moral messaging or highly pro-Christian.  3 stars is inoffensive either way.

Project Almanac
Quality – 2 stars, Political – 3 stars, M/R – 2 stars
The latest in a series of found footage films, “Project Almanac” uses this familiar technique to explore time travel.  Well, someone had to do it.  

Honestly, the found footage style can get tiresome.  You know the routine; someone is “filming” others as events unfold, thus creating a “this is really happening,” home movie sensation.  So, the camera jostles around uncontrollably.  Scenes jump up and down, characters move in and out of focus, lighting is awful—it’s basically how Lindsay Lohan sees life all the time.  Hence, I call it “Lindsayvision.”

The earliest Lindsayvision I remember was “The Blair Witch Project”; a stylish horror “documentary.” Wandering in a forest until hopelessly lost, a small film-making crew discovers frightening witchcraft sites while hearing terrifying sounds in the dark.  Dread rises as they run in fright and get separated, with the bouncing camera footage lending chaos to their perils.  At the time, this was cutting edge stuff; pretty scary.  Nevertheless, I found it rather boring—too much wandering—and I was escorted from the theatre for repeatedly yelling, “Scooby Doo, where are you?” 

Nobody gets me.

In “Project Almanac,” we follow a small group of teens who have stumbled upon a guide to create time travel.  Led by handsome but awkward genius David (Jonny Weston), the merry band keeps going back in time to undo personal failures and manipulate better outcomes.  This is funny. Forget stopping 9/11 or the BP oil spill.  It’s time for teen hijinks!  Get the dream girl!  Win the lottery!  Humiliate teachers and bullies!  Woohoo!  Though the time travel “science” is preposterous, a fellow in the back of the theatre resembling Jonathan Gruber was furiously taking notes.

Anyway, as timelines are corrupted, things spin out of control, and “Project Almanac” evolves into a thriller.  People die.  Friends are hurt.  The future is at risk.  Can David undo the damage while still getting his dream girl Jesse (Sofia Black-D’elia)?

Ultimately, “Project Almanac” is about young people given godlike command over their surroundings.  What could go wrong?  Too inexperienced to forecast consequences, the teens wreak havoc, wielding their power to enact selfish ambitions.  They just want what they want. They want it now.  They have the clout to get it.  And predictably, these teens neither know—nor care about—the wider impact of their decisions.  It’s like watching the election of Barack Obama…in Lindsayvision. 

The film’s pacing becomes tedious, especially during David’s hesitations with Jesse.  Let’s see, he’s crazy about her, and she’s throwing herself at him, but, but—sheesh, no guy drops this many passes. Miss Piggy was less forward with Kermit.  Dragging Jesse about as she clings to his leg, David wonders if this teen supermodel will ever give him a chance.  It’s all just so…so…so real. Scribbling feverishly and shaking his head, Gruber muttered, “You’ll regret this, David…and regrets eat at you…I hit my head a lot to stop the voices…”

Nevertheless, the acting in “Almanac” is solid; or in the case of Jonny Weston, superb.  His future is limitless.  Beyond him, the character development is kept appropriately light.  And then, of course, there is the gratuitous fluff of teen girls partying, tossed in to draw young male viewers. Whatever. It flows well enough with the story, and Lindsayvision seems a suitable venue for lots of Lindsays.

All in all, an average effort brought lower by unstable camerawork.  And as Gruber was escorted out for shouting, “Go back!  Must…go back!”, I couldn’t help but sympathize:

“I’ve been there, pal.  Nobody gets us.  They’re all idiots.”

1 Comment

CHOICE Movie Reviews:  Blackhat    by Andy Peth

1/16/2015

0 Comments

 
Picture
First, my score guide:

Quality:  This score indicates entertainment value.  
0 stars is horrible, while 5 stars is spectacular.

Political:  This score addresses political messaging.  
0 stars is aggressively anti-Conservative, while 5 stars is highly pro-Conservative.  3 stars is apolitical.

Moral/Religious (M/R):  This score addresses moral and religious messaging.  
0 stars is either intensely immoral or all-out, needless assault on Christianity.  5 stars is either great moral messaging or highly pro-Christian.  3 stars is inoffensive either way.

Blackhat
Quality – 2 stars, Political – 3 stars, M/R – 2 stars
In “Blackhat,” Chris Hemsworth (of “Thor” fame) stars as Nicholas Hathaway, a ridiculously hunky convict/computer hacker. He’s musclebound.  He’s shirtless.  And he’s a whiz with a keypad.  Watching this film with my wife, I felt strangely alone:  

“Cori, I just fell and hurt myself…”

“…uh huh…”

“…might need medical attention…”

“…good, good…”

“…I’m frightened, every second counts…

“…let’s talk about it later, ummm…uhhh...Andy…”

I waved hands and clicked fingers over her face, but to no avail.  Cori was gone; a soulless, empty shell.  Only once did she close her eyes, tapping her heels together and saying, “I wish…I wish…I wish…”  She then looked at me, and sobbed uncontrollably.  Girl issues, I guess.

Anyway, “Blackhat” is about more than Hemsworth’s biceps.  The film opens with camera shots following data along the information highway—you know, wires, connections, hard drives.  Pretty cool; sort of Matrix-y.  Using lights and dancing electricity, the progression shows how someone in one place can drastically affect events in another—using all those computer thingies an’ stuff.  The target?  A Chinese nuclear reactor.  In moments, a cooling system is compromised.  A meltdown ensues.  People die.

Thus launches a joint China-America operation to track down the cyberterrorists, with Chen (Leehom Wang), an MIT grad and Chinese official, recruiting his prison-bound friend Hathaway to help.  It seems the two developed a critical piece of the bad guys’ computer weaponry.  

Naturally, Chen has a hot sister (Lien, played by Wei Tang), who naturally jumps into a torrid romance with Hathaway, which naturally has all the chemistry of “We’re together because we’re in the same movie and we’re both really hot.”  Forget romantic development.  Just put two hotties in tense situations and let them “relate.”  It’s like transferring a female panda to a zoo, hoping she and the lonely male panda can, you know, find the magic.

There’s lots of feverish typing in this movie.  Clock’s a tickin’, better type faster!  Typing along to dramatic music (which every IT nerd should play when fixing someone’s printer), Hathaway unravels various conundrums.  After each puzzle solved, he’s off to find more clues or stop more bad guys—after first getting in some good flexing.  

Acting?  It’s fine.  Plotline?  Also fine, except toward the end.  Action?  Pretty good, with some downright tragic twists at one point—pretty shocking.  Problems?  Just this: There’s too much detail, especially when the good guys travel anywhere.  For some reason, Director Michael Mann thinks we’ll better appreciate the mood when seeing every car ride, walk, taxi hail, doorway, plane trip, etc.  For Mann, getting there is half the fun—and half the movie.

This, unfortunately, grinds down the film’s pace, leaving good elements to drift away in a current of boredom.  Too bad.  Had Mann edited out 20 minutes or so, “Blackhat” might well have been a solid thriller.
0 Comments

CHOICE Movie Reviews:  Taken 3   by Andy Peth

1/9/2015

1 Comment

 
Picture
First, my score guide:

Quality:  This score indicates entertainment value.  
0 stars is horrible, while 5 stars is spectacular.

Political:  This score addresses political messaging.  
0 stars is aggressively anti-Conservative, while 5 stars is highly pro-Conservative.  3 stars is apolitical.

Moral/Religious (M/R):  This score addresses moral and religious messaging.  
0 stars is either intensely immoral or all-out, needless assault on Christianity.  5 stars is either great moral messaging or highly pro-Christian.  3 stars is inoffensive either way.

Taken 3
Quality – 2 stars, Political – 4 stars, M/R – 3 stars
“Now listen very carefully.  I have a very particular set of skills.  If you don’t return my wife…or daughter…or dry cleaning you picked up by accident…to be honest, I’ve forgotten who or what you took…but if you don’t return it, I will find you.  And I will kill you.  There will probably be chase scenes.  So unless you have great cardio, consider your next move very carefully.”

“Who am I?  That’s not important right now.  What should matter to you is what I do.  I am a political writer. Though I never actually leave home, I have amassed deadly skills through hundreds of hours playing ‘Game of War.’  I do not rest.  I rarely shower, as that is not one of my particular skills.  I make my wife wear Kate Upton’s costume from the ‘Game of War’ commercials.  My wife is only 5’1”, so she must pull the sword behind her in a red wagon.  In truth, I can’t be sure you’ve taken her, as she might only be standing behind the wagon.  I’ll go check when we’re done speaking.”


“This is your last chance.  There will not be another, as I am over on my minutes.”


What you’ve just read is the script for my voice mail.  Yes, I love the “Taken” movies.


In “Taken 3,” Liam Neeson returns as ex-CIA agent, Bryan Mills.  Now in his 60’s, Neeson nonetheless carries himself well as the brutal, methodical, aging action hero.  This time the mayhem takes place stateside, in L.A., beginning with Russian mafia types viciously killing an innocent to send a message.  Standard stuff for the “Taken” series.

More awkward is the following scene where Bryan brings a big teddy bear to his now adult daughter (Kim, played by Maggie Grace) for her birthday.  Too old for such a gift, Kim is also distraught from some recent news—but her choice to actually reject the bear and have Bryan take it back seems awfully cold.  Aren’t dads supposed to give corny, impractical gifts sometimes?  It’s sad to see Bryan driving away, the bear seated next to him. 


But the story must move forward, and Bryan finds his ex-wife Lenore (Famke Janssen) murdered in his own bed.  Bryan’s framed, of course, and a chase ensues.  Bryan is after the real killers.  The cops are after Bryan.  Leading the cops is Forest Whitaker as Detective Frank Dotzler; who, though very bright, fidgets too much.  He carries a chess piece—okay, that makes sense for a bright, deductive thinker.  But he also plays with a rubber band, which is irritating.  He taps his fingers. Fortunately, his hair isn’t long, or he would probably twirl it while popping gum and humming tunes from “Frozen.”   It’s annoying.  There’s a real “Rain Man” quality here.


“Detective Dotzler, we’ve got Mills cornered.  Let’s go!”


“Can’t.  Time for Wapner.” 


Though some twists emerge as Bryan closes on the villain, the predictable plot lacks that tension we expect from Bryan Mill’s exploits.  It’s too bad.  I love revenge flicks, from “Braveheart” to “Kill Bill” to “Punisher” to the last part of “Kung Fu Panda”—it’s great when evil receives its comeuppance.   And true to form, Bryan puts a villain through some of his CIA-style, “Enhanced Interrogation.”  Good stuff.  But the plot is mostly known early on, and the action feels frenetic, like someone fastened a camera to the end of a firehose and turned on the water.  


Aimless and chaotic, the images switch every few frames of film.  Now you see many cars chasing one car.  Now you see a bumper.  Now a trunk pulls away.  Now you see Mills steering.  Now a car spins out of control.  Now the bear is steering.  Now a car rolls down a hill—shouldn’t have let the bear drive.  Before long, you’d give anything to watch just five seconds of straight footage. 

It’s disorienting, really.  Leaving the auditorium, moviegoers were bumping into each other, unable to regain equilibrium.  One teenager kept running in a circle, begging passersby to make it stop—but we had our own problems.  I myself plowed through several yards on the way home.  Just…couldn’t…focus.

And in the end, neither could this film.  The silly, “wrap-it-up” dialogue at the end fell flat, and even the fight scenes were too patchy.  Pity.  Like so many third-in-the-series movies—there have been a lot recently!—this unflattering conclusion to the “Taken” series leaves a bad taste.


I hope there isn’t a fourth.  I might not make it home.

1 Comment

    CHOICE Movie Reviews

    Our Conservative movie reviews provide Quality, Political, and Moral/Religious scores, complete with Andy's commentary.

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