The Joy of Vetoes by Andy Peth

“There are going to be some areas where we disagree and, you know, I haven't used the veto pen very often since I've been in office, partly because legislation that I objected to was typically blocked in the Senate even after the House took over — Republicans took over the House.

Now I suspect there are going to be some times where I've got to pull that pen out.”

—Barack Obama, in a 12/29/14 interview with NPR

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Most power moves occur behind the scenes.  They’re hard to pin down—unless, of course, your name is Gruber, and you’re “brilliant” enough to be taped.  Backroom deals protect politicians. They block legislation.  Moreover, the hit-and-miss nature of exposing these moves can leave critics looking like wild-eyed conspiracy kooks, tinfoil hat models, or worse yet, college profs.  To corrupt leaders, it’s a win-win:  They look good; their critics look bad.

For six years, President Obama used this advantage to the full, shielded by Harry Reid—the biggest yes man since Dr. Frankenstein sifted through applications and found Igor.  Operating with impunity, Obamastein shouted, “It’s Alive!” over his ghoulish creation, Obamacare—that is, until millions of us torch-carrying peasants stormed his castle one November night.

“Master!  The outsiders!  They come!  They come!!”

“Lower the gate, Igor!  Hurry, you fool!  HURRY!!”

Too late, pal.  Igor got trampled.  And those things coming your way aren’t really torches and pitchforks, but something much worse.  They are bills.  Bite-sized and clear, these are bills the American people will understand—not 2,700 page monstrosities.  So break out that veto pen, buddy.  Step out of the shadows.  Let each blessed veto reveal your controlling agenda, as Americans get to see all the neat stuff you’ve denied them.  Such as:

1. Freedom to choose what’s in their health plans…and what isn’t. 
   
2. Freedom for young people to buy less coverage, rather than subsidizing everyone else.
   
3. Freedom not to pay penalties for refusing to buy overpriced health plans. 
   
4. Freedom to treat employees well, without paying a “Cadillac Plan” punishment.
   
5. Freedom to use medical devices without paying added taxes.
   
6. Freedom to buy across state lines, thus opening up competition for consumers.
   
7. Freedom to use medical savings accounts, wherein we’re rewarded for watching our expenses.
   

Oh, but the carnage doesn’t end with Obamacare.  Without Igor blocking the gate, Obamastein must deny Americans all sorts of popular goodies:

1. The Keystone Pipeline.
   
2. School vouchers for poor kids in Washington, DC.
   
3. A secure border.
   
4. Protections for American workers against an avalanche of cheap, foreign labor.
   
5. Expanded drilling on public lands.
   
6. Non-racist judges—you know, the kind who don’t single out white men as less likely to make good decisions than wise Latina women.
   
7. International treaties that actually benefit America.
   
8. A stronger military in a dangerous world.
   

Here’s the math:  Senate Block = Control Hidden.  Presidential Veto = Control Revealed.

You know what?  I like vetoes!  Wheeeeeeee!!  Keep ‘em comin’, pal!

Over these past six years, Conservatives were flummoxed by how Obama polled so much higher than his views and actions.  Okay, much of this sprung from the historic nature of his election, combined with fawning worship bestowed on him by academia, media, and the entertainment industry.  To my recollection, no brain-dead starlet ever said of George Bush, "It would be wonderful if we were able to give this man all of the power that he needs,” or, "You're so handsome that I can't speak properly."  

(As an aside, two things frustrate Gwyneth Paltrow:  First, the rest of us are allowed to vote.  Second, math.  At the end of the movie, “Seven,” Gwyneth’s head was chopped off—and ever since, she’s split her time between expounding on politics and pointing at shiny things.  Someone, please, for the sake of America’s sanity, return Gwyneth’s head)

But beyond God’s single mistake of creating Gwyneth Paltrow, Obama’s greatest asset has been a closed gate.  Never exposed, he got to be the good guy.  But no longer.  The peasants are closing in. 

Understand, this isn’t about our lame duck Dictator.  I’m thinking 2016.  The more Obamastein wields that magic pen, the more he campaigns for Republicans—especially if we take it slow, exacting the greatest pain with each stroke of ink.  As I wrote in a previous article, don’t rush this, Republicans.  Enjoy every minute.  Let the American people keep up.  And if Obamastein gives up and puts down his pen, we’ll pick apart his presidency.  Either way, we win.  Either way, his ghoulish creations are in great peril, as the fire approaches…

…mooahahahaha…